how i became a symbiont

it was the spring of 2001, i was getting ready for graduation and had been dating a guy i thought was the best...
i had met him the fall of 2000, but we did not start dating until february of 2001.
it was the perfect time, or so it seemed. i was going to graduate, and move away from home. i had started looking for jobs, my bf had been talking about moving in together because our love was made from heaven and we should spend every minute of every day in each other's arms.
before we'd gotten intimate, we'd had the talk that most couples have and each had established that he was clean, except he has herpes and never said a word. i still don't know how it happened, and i shudder to think he contracted it by cheating, but for whatever reason, he had it and I never knew.
it was a about a week after i got intimate with him that i realized something was wrong, but as naive as i was back then, i shoved it into a possible shaving episode gone wrong.
i broke up with him not too long after this for reasons i may discuss later on.
it would take me a couple of years to finally have this checked out ( i spent none of that period sleeping with anyone, in case you wondered). i spoke with my doctor who confirmed what i had begun to fear. i have herpes, and my idiot ex had given it to me, and in all my naivette, i had not realized it for a while. i am now harboring a species inside of me i had no control over. it was to go wherever i go, and it would get its nourishement from me, and i had no say over it.
i was going to be reminded of idiot ex everyday, because even tho we weren't any longer, he had given me, without my consent mind you, something i couldn't completely get rid of until i go six feet under.
life is soo unfair.
i felt unwhole.
i left the doctor's office and all i wanted to do was cry. all i did do was cry. i kept telling myself it wasn't my fault and i did not do anything wrong, but i did not believe it. i kept reverting to the moment we first got intimate and wished we hadn't been, but there was no way i could have predicted what would happen.
i have not been able to share this with anyone, and not even my closest friends know. i hope to be able to tell someone soon, and i need to be able to absolve myself of whatever blame i have been placing on myself, for whatever reason.
try as i may, i haven't been able to come to terms with this. i am ton between feeling like why did ths happen to me, and it could have been worse.
and i am praying that i get the release i have long searched for by expressing my feelings in this medium.